Paradigm seen shifting in East London

Police today issued an urgent appeal to the public after a suspected paradigm was seen shifting near Shoreditch High Street sparking local unrest.

Said one onlooker who declined to be named: “At first I wondered what it was that was lurking outside the chicken shop near the tube but then I realised that it was a paradigm shift. One minute everything was like it was, the next it wasn’t at all what it used to be. It was beautiful.”


Some witnesses described the incident as a ‘game-changer’ and there was some confusion over whether the paradigm had actually shifted or the game had changed a bit.

Others were convinced it wasn’t a shifting paradigm at all but an entirely new paradigm. But there was a consensus that something had happened and things would never be the same again.

“This is the apocalypse,” said one. “Forget what you know. If you’re over 25, give up. You’ll never understand this. Wake up, the future’s here, sleepyhead.” He then gathered his trousers up and left.

Another said “You know the game? Well forget it. It’s just changed.”

‘Nothing much happened’

The Police have issued a statement:

“As far as we can tell, nothing much happened, but there are loads of people telling us something did, so we have to investigate. So far everything seems fairly normal but we would like the public to remain vigilant in case this changes.”

Asked about the consequences of the suspected paradigm shift, experts warned against hype and knee-jerk reactions and suggested people look at the evidence before getting too carried away.

  • Kantar Media Shbardown

    The Daily News reports today of the gang-related unrest in London’s trendy East end which sparked the Paradigm Shift as reported here yesterday…

    East Side Story

    The TVJets and the SocialSharks are SohoHouse and Shoreditch House gangs respectively. They notoriously hate each other and battle each other for territory in their neighbourhood, both of the mind that each fuels the other’s success.

    Their feud reportedly simmered after both gangs checked in at
    an X-Factor themed tea dance in Dalston celebrating Kingsland
    Road’s progression to the next round last Sunday night. One insider, who
    refused to be named, tells us that Thinkbox Neil, one of the alleged founders
    of the Jets, and Maria, the recently arrived sister of the Sharks’ leader
    Bruce, @ mentioned each other across a crowded #xfactor tag
    and fell in love following a flurry of retweets, D messages, likes and

    It seems that for many of the male gang members on both the social and TV sides, the change in Facebook relationship status was the last straw in their feud. BBM messaging ensued amongst the young bucks which quickly lead to a rumble in order to determine once and for all whether programming is driving social mentions or vice versa. Conversely, it has been reported via Twitter that Bruce’s girlfriend supports Maria’s decision to share whatever content she wants with whoever she wants, even if it’s about TV and with a TVJet.

    One source says that Maria and Neil continue to Snapchat and IM each other clandestinely all the time and apparently, Maria asked him to sort things out between the Jets and Sharks. It seems this request is what has led to the recent Twitter and BARB treaty fostered by Kantar and the subsequent remarkable paradigm shift spotted on Shoreditch High Street yesterday.